After Words: Solitude Greets Solitude

A Model For Healthy Ministry (Part I)

Occasionally I post “after words,” either “words” that didn’t make the sermon or that are separate reflections but based on the same text. The later part of yesterday’s Gospel text (Mark 1:32-39 – quoted below) has, for years, been a key text for shaping my understanding of healthy ministry in three movements. Last night’s sermon went a very different direction and focused almost exclusively on our Isaiah text, but I use this space to take some time and write about this model drawn mainly from some of Henri Nouwen’s work. I hope you find it helpful.
*Since this is rather longish, I’ve posted a reading of it for your convenience.*

“When the morning comes, solitude greets solitude and community is formed.”
-Henri Nouwen¹^⁠

These words come from a wonderful book by Henri Nouwen called Spiritual Direction.^⁠² I’m convinced that the phrase itself – solitude greets solitude – could transform our lives and community if we really practiced what Nouwen is after. So what is he talking about?

The word morning is important here. Before we get to morning or dawn (which we will take up in the next post), however, we need to talk about the dark or, if you prefer, night. Here, night acts as a symbol for solitude – the time that is spent alone in silence. For some, solitude happens in the dark and early hours of the morning. For others, this happens in the middle of the afternoon or at late at night. When doesn’t necessarily matter as much as if. So regardless of the literal time of day, night is a symbol for that time when you withdraw from those around you – even if you love being with them – and find yourself alone with God.

What happens in those dark moments? Eugene Peterson’s son once remarked that “novelists only write one book.” He later told his father, “You only preach one sermon.”³^⁠ What he meant was that we all have one thing we are really trying to say amidst whatever else we are saying. We may say many things, but underneath all of them one thing emerges. Nouwen’s sermon? You are the beloved of God. Of all the things God may speak to us in solitude, underneath it all we learn to hear that one word He speaks: beloved. To hear that word, however – really hear it – we need to get away from crowd. This voice is not in the earthquake or the fire, it’s in the gentle whisper^⁠;⁴ in the brilliant darkness of solitude.

So for Nouwen, even though community is incredibly important, it should not be our first priority. This is probably a shock to those of us in church leadership who are working so hard at forming community and not just crowds. But for Nouwen: solitude first, community second. Why? Because in solitude we are reminded of our identity; reminded that we are accepted and loved as we are. If I am to ever really live in healthy community, I must step into that community with the pre-knowledge of love and acceptance which comes from the Father. This becomes what I bring to the community rather than what I seek to find there. So when I come out of solitude, secure in my identity as the beloved of God, and then meet you, having come out of your solitude and being secure in your identity as the beloved of God, that is the moment “when the morning comes, solitude greets solitude and community is formed.”

Sometimes I think we skip this crucial steps in our attempts to form “genuine” or “authentic” community. Why is this such a big deal? Nouwen writes:

“in living we come to realize that community doesn’t require or offer total emotional harmony. It offers us the context where we try to love one another and receive the love and care of others.”^⁠ ⁵

I think we often get this wrong. Frequently in church we will scale a wall in an attempt to create community by means of forming groups while simultaneously hoping to someday get around to teaching and discipling people in the practice of solitude. We are focusing on small groups this coming week at church and so I obviously very much believe in their importance. But what happens if you and I don’t practice solitude and seek to form community first? Nouwen says, 

“if we start with trying to create community, we’ll expect someone to give us that perfect, unconditional love. But true community is not loneliness grabbing onto loneliness: ‘I’m so lonely, and you’re so lonely; why don’t we get together’…Community is solitude greeting solitude: ‘I am the beloved; you are the beloved; together we can build a home or place of welcome together.’^⁠”⁶

If we are not “solitude greeting solitude,” we are “loneliness grabbing onto loneliness.” So how does this relate to this week’s gospel text? It’s here that I’d like to explore another small book of Nouwen’s, Out Of Solitude, where he digs a little deeper into a similar thought and takes its implications further. I’ve found it to be of great value personally, and I’ve also taught about it a few times in various contexts as a spiritual guide to healthy ministry. Nouwen roots what he says in yesterday’s Gospel text:

That evening, after sunset, they brought to him all who were sick and those who were possessed by devils. The whole town came crowding round the door, and he cured many who were sick with diseases of one kind or another; he also drove out many devils, but he would not allow them to speak, because they knew who he was. 

In the morning, long before dawn, he got up and left the house, and went off to a lonely place and prayed there. Simon and his companions set out in search of him, and when they found him they said, "Everybody is looking for you." He answered, "Let us go elsewhere, to the neighboring country towns, so that I can proclaim the message there too, because that is why I came." And he went all through Galilee, preaching in their synagogues and driving out devils.
-Mark 1:32-39

You can think of this text in three movements. Taken together, and placed in the right order, I believe they can serve as a great template for healthy ministry. Today we’ll explore the first movement and explore movements two and three in subsequent posts.

Movement I: Pre-Dawn/Darkness

In this text we get a glimpse into the pattern of solitude and prayer in the life of Jesus. 

“In the morning, long before dawn, he got up and left the house, and went off to a lonely place and prayed there.” 

Jesus began his day in a lonely place with God. Before meeting with his community – his ministry team if you will – he was alone with God. 

I’ve been working with artists long enough to know that comparison and competitiveness is a strong temptation amongst us. Comparison and competition arise when we are not secure in our identity. In our insecurity we are then driven to excel in our gifts so we can identify ourselves with them and the applause they will hopefully create. If I feel insecure but you tell me I am a good songwriter or keyboardist, my security (or ego) will rise a little bit. That security is always on shaky ground, however, and is thus a false security. This is true for at least two reason. First, by basing our identity and acceptance in our gifts, it is inevitable that there will always be someone more gifted. It may be true that you are the best at what you do in your circle, but circles change – people move in and out of them. But even if your circle is pretty secure (it’s your band), there are other circles. However you look at it, your sense of security will move up and down based on the talent pool. This will ultimately lead to a loss of joy in your craft since it is no longer about the craft but about the acceptance your craft can bring. It will also lead to the loss of joy in the gifts that others bring since their gift is transformed from gift to threat.

The second way in which gift-based identity is on shaky ground is more subtle, but no less dangerous. Nouwen writes,

the more we allow our accomplishments-the results of our actions-to become the criteria of our self-esteem, the more we are going to walk on our mental and spiritual toes, never sure if we will be able to live up to the expectations which we created by our last successes. In many people's lives, there is a nearly diabolic chain in which their anxieties grow according to their successes. This dark power has driven many of the greatest artists into self-destruction.⁷

In this instance the competitor is not someone else; I compete with myself. I remember watching a Ted Talk with Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of the wildly successful book Eat, Pray, Love. This book sold over ten million copies and was later made into a movie. Gilbert had “made it.” But precisely because she “made it,” a strange thing happened. As she says, “people treat me like I’m doomed.”⁸ after this success people began to say strange things to her like, “Aren’t you afraid you’re never going to be able to top that?”⁹ The implication was clear: it’s all downhill from here. When our identity lies in our accomplishments, even success is problematic. If your best work is early on in life you will be forever living in your own shadow.

In Solitude, however, we are reminded that we are not what we do. As is often said, ‘we are human beings not human doings.’ Instead, God whispers to us in the dark: ‘you are my beloved.’ Succeed or fail, we are loved. In the dark God reminds us that our identity is not bass-player, or author, or business-woman, or priest or pastor, but son or daughter. When we can accept that, we can come out of darkness (solitude) and step into healthy community. The truth is, there are many voices competing for our attention and many false promises of security. In the darkness of solitude, however, the True voice speaks the true word we need to hear: beloved. We are reminded of our baptismal identity and then ready to live in community. 

*Author: Phil Aud (also writes

Theomagination

)

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1. Henri Nouwen, Spiritual Direction: Wisdom for the Long Walk of Faith. (New York: HarperOne, 2006). p. 112.

2. Nouwen has three posthumous works that have been carefully compiled by scholars to bring together his articles, lectures, notes, etc., on the topics at hand. I recommend all three: Spiritual Direction; Spiritual Formation; Discernment.

3. Eugene Peterson, The Pastor: A Memoir. (New York: HarperCollins, 2011) p. 297.

4. 1 Kings 19:11-12

5. Nouwen, Spiritual Direction, p. 114.

6. ibid.

7. Henri J. M. Nouwen, Out of Solitude: Three Meditations on the Christian Life. (Notre Dame: Ave Maria Press, 1974), 22-23.

8. Elizabeth Gilbert, “Your elusive creative genius,” filmed February 2009, at TED2009, video, 0:5, http://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius.

9. ibid.